On Loss and Big Sisters

I have hesitated writing about this since I kept most of my feelings in my personal journal and it is such a personal thing. But I have this picture and every time I see it my heart aches a little.

I took this picture one day when Afton and I were hanging out, she was 14 months old. I was about 5 weeks pregnant and Peter and I were so excited we could hardly wait to tell our families. We were debating about how long to wait but once I captured such perfect pictures of Afton with this sign I felt we just had to share!

Afton and that baby would have been just 22 months apart which is close but we felt so excited about it. Roughly six weeks after these pictures were taken, we found out that I miscarried the baby. I felt a lot of peace throughout the whole situation and knew that there were so many others who were in similar, but much harder situations. However, there is still heartache that comes along with any loss.

Seeing these pictures of such a tiny Afton getting ready to be a big sister (we would have that baby already if I hadn't miscarried) is so sad. But looking back I am grateful to have had this experience that has made me so much more empathetic toward others and given me a greater appreciation for the miracle that having a baby is.

And in the end, these pictures still apply. Afton will be a big sister soon. She is just worlds different now then she was then (and likely much more ready to have a baby in the house)! We know that God is aware of our family, our needs, and our situation and believe that He will continue to bless us if we put our trust in His plan.

A few outtakes: