Motherly Instincts

The last few weeks of my pregnancy people often asked me if I was nervous or scared to have a baby. The honest answer was no--if you are referring to the actual process of having a baby. That is probably the part I was least nervous about. I felt prepared that way and so what was there to fear?

I did, however, wake up frequently in the middle of the night worried that I wouldn't know how to take care of this baby. I had nightmares all the time about her crying and me not knowing what to do. I was no stranger to babies since I had been around my nieces and nephews a lot. And I also babysat a lot when I was younger. Still, I had never fully taken care of a baby myself.

I didn't really have the time or interest in taking a pre-natal class at the hospital and so instead I checked out multiple books from the library and read up on breastfeeding, sleep habits, etc. I felt well-informed, but still unsure if I would know what to do when it came right down to it.

The night we left the hospital I was a bit emotional because I realized that from then on out it would all be up to Pete and I. There would be no nurses to ask questions to in the middle of the night and even though we kept her with us during our stay at the hospital, there would be no nursery that I could potentially send her to if things got rough. I was it.

Last night as I was feeding Afton in the middle of the night I began remembering all these fears I had before she was born and the night we brought her home. I still have days when I worry I may not be doing everything right but I am amazed at the instinctual nature inside me. It seems to just take over. Of course she cries sometimes and I am at a loss of what to do but in those moments I just talk to her and rub her back or rock her and she eventually calms down.

We are figuring it out. She is super patient with me and I think she knows I am trying my best. It is amazing what loving a person can do. I am so grateful for that love I feel for her and the late night/early morning hours it gets me through. I am also thankful for the instincts I was blessed with--I think that God blesses women with those instincts to help them fulfill their roles as mothers.

I know my ability to take care of this precious little girl is way beyond me. I have definitely been given help through wonderful examples of mothers in my life and through a Heavenly Father who is watching out for little Afton and making sure she is taken care of. I just pray I can be humble and worthy enough to continue receiving that help, because I sure do need it!!

And now for a few pictures...

 

Sleeping and making her "I'm precious" face

One week's worth!

Still got the hair!

Her first walk! It felt good to get outside--Don't worry, we didn't let the sun shine on her like that during the walk, we just had to get a quick picture!